Welcome to Running to Myself. I’m Trisha Stanton. Life and mindset coach, running coach and host of Running to Myself.
16 years ago I ran my first marathon. The process of training for that first race changed my life. This podcast is my opportunity to share some of the lessons I have learned about running and life through the many ups and downs of life during my almost 2 decades of running and learning more about who I am. It is my hope that through my stories maybe you will see a bit of yourself as well and find a nugget of truth and inspiration to take with you. Let’s get started.
Welcome to Episode 3 Taking a Leap When You Don’t Feel Ready
The story I am going to share with you today encompasses one of my biggest areas of personal growth since I began running. The title, Taking a Leap When You Don’t Feel Ready says it all. I used to avoid putting myself in situations where I lacked confidence. I can see now that this habit of shrinking back prevented progress in my life at times. Like many people, I didn’t want others to see me fail. Here is how that showed up as I began my running journey. As a new, baby runner, I didn’t want to expose myself to running with anyone or within eyesight of anyone other than my husband, Dave, who I was training with. And truth be told, I was pretty relieved that I only had to run with him on the weekends. I was awkward and sluggish and slow and I wanted to keep that to myself.
About a month into our training program, Dave suggested we do a local 5k. I was horrified. I did NOT want to run out in public at a race! We aren’t talking a long distance, just a 5k.
You’ll be fine, he assured me.
You are ready.
Let’s just give it a try.
And finally he pulled out the big guns and informed me that he was going to sign up whether I did or not. If you listened to episode 1, you can likely predict what happened next.
And that’s how I found myself at a 5k one Saturday morning feeling completely overcome with dread. The irony of this is not lost on me. Yes, I had signed up to run a full marathon and was training each day toward that goal. Yes, this was only 3 miles not 26.2, but that was several months down the road and this was now.
It was only 3 miles. But the thought of other people seeing me struggle combined with the fear that I wouldn’t be able to complete the distance was paralyzing. That’s the thing with fear, it can stop us dead in our tracks and put all sorts of crazy ideas in our head. I had already been running three miles daily. But fear can make you unreasonable.
The race course was out in the country and made a great big 3 mile square on the flattest roads possible. It was a good course for a beginner. And still, I felt like I was going to be exposed as the imposter I felt I was-someone who was heading out the door to run each day, but had no business being there at the start line with other “real”runners. It all seems so silly now, but those feelings were real and strong and I did not have the tools to do anything but believe them hook, line and sinker. That experience of fear is almost the only thing I remember about that day. It’s also the reason that I LOVE being there to cheer someone on for their first 5k. There is nothing small about the first time you complete something you don’t think you can accomplish. And a 5k is that for most people who are just beginning their running journey.
I completed the race that day. It wasn’t fun, but it also wasn’t as bad as my fear had built it up to be. And most significantly, there was absolutely NO ONE paying attention to me and my running. Everyone was focused on their own race and goals whether that be to run fast or enjoy being with friends along the course. It was so different than I expected. There was no one who was going to witness any failure I thought I might have that day. I now realize that I wasn’t so much afraid of failure as I was struggling with feelings of not belonging (a long held fear of mine that often had me turning down opportunities that others thought were fun) My fear of not belonging presented as being afraid to be exposed as someone posing as a runner who wasn’t good enough to be a runner. (I quickly learned there is no such thing!) I would NEVER have that thought towards another person attempting to run or walk their first organized race. In fact, the longer I run and the farther I go, the more joy I get from cheering on people who are just beginning and feel scared. I’m proof that they CAN do it! As someone who has been running for many many years now, my thoughts about new people joining in this crazy activity that sometimes borders on obsession is the opposite of what I thought the veteran runners would be thinking that day. I am so excited for people to fall in love with this activity that has changed my life. I began to learn something important that day about my fear. Even though I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience, I found out through the act of showing up and completing the race that there was nothing that I needed to be afraid of. No one was looking at me or paying attention to me. Everyone was there to have their own experience. People even showed up in groups to walk together. This event that I felt so fearful of participating in was actually FUN for most of the other participants. Fear had created a vivid picture in my mind that was nothing close to reality. If I had waited for the fear to go away, I would have been on the sidelines that day rather than fully participating in my life.
What’s the Life Coach Connection? I’m so glad you asked! Today I want to talk about fear and taking a leap when you don’t feel ready. Do you sometimes let the fear of not being ready keep you from taking a step forward in certain areas of your life? Do you let fear keep you on the sidelines rather than fully participating in YOUR life like I almost did on that day?
Taking part in that first 5k in the face of my fear was an important step in learning to take a leap into something that I didn’t feel ready for. As I look back, the feeling of not being ready didn’t come from not being ready to do the physical act of running that race, it came from fear of what I thought I would feel like on the inside. I wasn’t afraid to feel physically uncomfortable, afterall, that was becoming an almost daily reality. What I really wanted to avoid was feeling emotionally uncomfortable. If Dave hadn’t encouraged me to sign up for that race with him, I would not have exposed myself to one single race prior to showing up for the marathon that October. I was committed to avoiding the emotional discomfort that I anticipated I would be exposed to by showing up to a race.
Nothing grand happened that day. I didn’t have an epiphany that I could do great things. I didn’t suddenly lose my fear of feeling exposed. I didn’t find out I was a great runner. I didn’t place first and I didn’t place last. The important thing that happened that day is that I chose to show up even though I didn’t feel ready. It was a step forward in exposing myself to opportunities in the face of discomfort. There were many more steps in that process, first in my running experience and after a while in my actual life. The very act of showing up began to chip away at the fear. It didn’t all go away, but it lost a little bit of its power that day. And every time since then in the 16 years since that I have shown up for something I didn’t feel ready for, just by showing up anyway I have faced the fear that creeps in head on. You see, we add to our bank of evidence for ourselves that we CAN show up even when we don’t feel 100% ready each time we show up despite the fear. Over time, we may become less fearful of some things, but as our confidence grows we are then able to put ourselves in more situations where we are willing to take a step forward even when we don’t feel completely ready.
The absence of fear is not what we should strive for. The ability to take the leap even in the face of fear is the objective. You may be wondering why I would say that striving to eliminate fear is not the goal. Here are my thoughts about that. In my life I have found that when I no longer have any trace of fear or uneasiness, that is a pretty good sign that I have become complacent and am not pushing the boundaries to grow my capacity in any particular area. I don’t want to live my life that way. I can be present and grateful for the life I have now and also be striving for growth. Both are possible. For me, that is what creates a meaningful and fulfilling life. Maybe one day I will get to a place where I no longer feel the need to push and grow, but I hope not. I want to use every last day on this Earth to continue growing and fully experiencing this gift of life.
I would like to leave you with some questions to consider this week. You might want to pause the episode here and grab something to write these on.
Are you ready? Okay, good.
Question #1
Is there an area in your life where you are letting fear stop you from taking a leap of faith to pursue a goal or dream? It could be personal, professional, relational. Really take time to examine if there is an area where fear is holding you back.
Question #2
When was the last time that you put yourself in a situation where you felt fear and took a leap anyway? What was the outcome?
And finally, Question #3
Is there one small action you can take today or in the next week that requires you to show up in the face of fear? I hope you will consider taking that step.
That’s all I have for you today, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Running to Myself. If you know someone who you think would enjoy this podcast, please share it with them! I will be back next week to share a little more about my training journey on the road to discovering my truest self.
In the meantime, if you want to know more about my coaching program or have questions about life coaching in general, please visit my website at www.trishastanton.com .
Have a great week and remember, Mindset Matters!
