Welcome to Running to Myself. I’m Trisha Stanton. Life and mindset coach, running coach and host of Running to Myself.
16 years ago I ran my first marathon. The process of training for that first race changed my life. This podcast is my opportunity to share some of the lessons I have learned about running and life through the many ups and downs of life during my almost 2 decades of running and learning more about who I am. It is my hope that through my stories maybe you will see a bit of yourself as well and find a nugget of truth and inspiration to take with you. Let’s get started.
Welcome to Episode 4 Running With Friends.
I did NOT want to do it. I worked really hard to avoid it, but she caught me and convinced me to give it a try and ultimately I’m so glad she did.
If you have listened to episode 3, you may recall that in the early days of my running journey I really wasn’t keen on running in front of other people. With that in mind, it will come as no surprise that I absolutely was not looking for friends to run with!
Sure, I knew that other people did this and that there were even running groups where people actually met up together to run with each other. But that idea sounded terrible to me! It was challenging enough to figure out my own pace, I couldn’t imagine trying to keep up with someone else’s pace.
And what if that person wanted to talk? I absolutely was not going to be able to carry on a conversation while running and breathing!
Dave and I had figured out how to survive our runs together but I certainly was not looking to find any additional running partners.
You can probably guess where this story leads.
Once summer vacation was over, school was back in full swing, and fall sports were in session it became necessary for me to squeeze in most of my weekday runs during my son’s football practice. As it turns out, an acquaintance of mine, a mom of one of my son’s friends, was an avid runner and multiple marathon finisher. In other words, we had nothing in common. She was an expert and I was a new baby beginner with no intention of continuing to run after the marathon was over. When she found out that I was running while the boys were at football practice each night, she suggested we do our evening runs together.
I promise you, I looked for any excuse available, but I was sort of stuck. We both had the same amount of time to use at the same location and I had to complete my runs then. I had no other time available during the day.
How do you gracefully say no under those circumstances?
I tried putting her off with flat out honesty.
“Look, I said, I am new to this, I have no idea what I am doing and I am REALLY slow. I don’t want to hold you back.
This was true. I didn’t want to hold her back. AND I didn’t want the uncomfortable feelings it would bring up in ME knowing I was holding her back. I tried everything short of being outright rude to convince her that this wasn’t a great idea, but she just wasn’t having it. She assured me that pace wouldn’t be a problem, she could adjust to mine and would enjoy having a running partner to log the miles with since we were both doing it anyway.
Eventually I relented and agreed to run with her. Boy was I nervous leading up to that first run. I mean REALLY nervous. I was sure that I was going to be a burden for her.
My lack of confidence about my running and my thoughts about not measuring up in general were really doing a number on me. But I showed up, nerves and all.
We logged the miles that night. Did I hold her back? I’m sure I did, but she never said a word about it. Since she was in much better shape than me, running and talking was no problem for her so that piece worked beautifully. She did the talking and guiding our route and I did the listening, breathing and just trying to survive.
When we finished that first night, we immediately planned for our next run together. By the end of our first run two moms who were acquaintances because our children were in the same class became friends whose bond would become stronger with each mile logged.
Over many many miles and years a beautiful friendship developed as we shared the ups and downs of life with each other. When you are spending hours of time out on a country road running with someone, the surface level conversation goes by the wayside quickly. You can dig in and go into deep conversation or you can run in silence. We chose to dig in and share the good, bad and ugly.
Kelly taught me a LOT about running and racing because she had already been doing it for well over a decade. It was fun to have someone mentor and coach me in all the things I didn’t know. And as is often the truth when we open up and really get to know someone else on a personal level, getting to know her brought a different perspective into my life. She and I had grown up in the same town yet were several years apart in school and had very different experiences growing up. And we are quite different in personality. Her view of the world expanded my view of the world. And what a blessing that time together was. I’m so glad she didn’t take my initial resistance as the final answer.
It has been at least 8 years since she and I have shared a run. We no longer live in the same state, but I still think of her as my first running friend and when we do have the opportunity to catch up, updates on our running lives, are always a piece of the conversation. Something else happened during those shared miles. Without me knowing it at first, the many miles spent running with my friend began to change my relationship with running. What began as means to an end-marathon completion with my husband, started to change into a possibility of a long term relationship I might want to continue. Don’t get me wrong, I was not there yet. I still didn’t actually like it. It was still painful on many, many days. I had a long way to go before this was going to be something I actually enjoyed and looked forward to. But, I think that adding the element of friendship played a key role in the change that came over time. I went from being in pursuit of a singular goal to finding the bonus of an activity that I love still today.
It didn’t happen overnight. Like most lasting change, it was a process that occurred while I was on a personal journey. It happened over the course of years as one goal led to another. So much happened between where we are in my story and when that change really began to be evident, but I’m quite sure that the seeds of change were planted when I said yes to running with a friend.
It’s time for today’s Life Coach Connection and I have a small confession to make. I switched gears right in the middle of planning this episode. I discovered something that led me down a different path and I’m glad I get to take you along with me as I unravel the impact of the change that occurred in my life just from saying yes to this one thing.
As I was thinking about this episode, I initially had a different life coach connection planned, but then I got sidetracked because I noticed something that made me forget all about the original plan I had. Out of the blue I noticed a theme that has shown up in a couple of episodes now. I didn’t plan it this way, I’m not that clever, but I think it’s important to share with you.
What I am beginning to see as these different stories play through my mind and I select the ones that had the biggest impact on my personal growth journey is that my life was beginning to have this remarkable change that I didn’t even know I needed because I was saying yes and showing up even though fear was along for the ride.
The teacher in me says this is where we need to pause and review other episodes, finding the thread of how this theme continues to show up.
I shared with you in Episode one how this journey all started when I said yes to signing up for the marathon in the first place. I admitted to you that the initial decision was somewhat impulsive so there was no fear in the making of the decision but boy oh boy did it show up after the reality began to sink in! I said yes and change came in the form of selecting and ultimately sticking with a running plan, following it to a T and in doing that, keeping my word to myself.
Episode 2 had me saying yes to sticking with the training plan and completing the first seven mile long run. I was afraid, but I did it anyway and even though the physical cost was high on the pain scale, the reward of completing it broke the glass ceiling I had for myself about distance at the time. I said yes and change came in the form of running farther than I ever had up until that day.
In Episode 3 I reluctantly said yes and signed up for a 5k race with other humans. I brought all my fear along with me to the starting line, ultimately finding out that it was no big deal after all.
Now here we are in Episode 4, me and my fear are saying yes to running with another person. I couldn’t possibly know how that reluctant yes, fear in tow, would lead to such a beautiful friendship.
Here’s the thing that sticks out to me all these years later. I could have held tighter to my fear and let it be the boss of me. I could have found a way to say no. If I had done that, I never would have known what I missed out on. That is a thought that really stops me in my tracks. To think that I could have so easily missed out on this beautiful friendship by letting fear be in control is a sobering thought.
It leads me to wonder what have I missed out on when I have let fear make the decision and said no? I can think of a couple of times that I let fear lead me to answer no in a situation that could have taken my life in a different direction. What opportunities did I say no to that I wasn’t even aware of? It’s an interesting question to ask. I’ll never know. And that’s okay, but I do know this, every great opportunity and turning point in my life came directly from saying yes to an unknown outcome.
These yes’s related to my running journey were to small things, things that in the grand scheme of life aren’t very important. Yet, I can clearly see how each yes led to the next yes and how they ultimately stacked together to create sizable change in how I viewed myself, my life and what’s possible. As I began to say yes more than I said no in my running journey, that filtered into my regular life as well. Stacking yes’s became an important tool in creating change for me.
As we come to a close today, I wonder, is there an area in your life where you can begin to stack yes’s? How might your life change if you opened the door to the possibility of saying yes more than you say no? Do you want to have more opportunities come your way? Maybe that begins by saying yes to what is front of you right now.
That’s all I have for you today, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Running to Myself. You can find previous episodes on apple podcasts and spotify or on my website www.trishastanton.com. New episodes are released each Monday. You can select subscribe or follow on Apple or Spotify to automatically receive each new episode as it comes out.
If you know someone who you think would enjoy this podcast, please share it with them! I will be back next week to share a little more about my training journey on the road to discovering my truest self.
In the meantime, if you want to know more about my coaching program or have questions about life coaching in general, please visit my website at www.trishastanton.com .
Have a great week and remember, Mindset Matters!
