Welcome to Running to Myself. I’m Trisha Stanton. Life and mindset coach, running coach and host of Running to Myself.
16 years ago I ran my first marathon. The process of training for that first race changed my life. This podcast is my opportunity to share some of the lessons I have learned about running and life through the many ups and downs of life during my almost 2 decades of running and learning more about who I am. It is my hope that through my stories maybe you will see a bit of yourself as well and find a nugget of truth and inspiration to take with you. Let’s get started.
Welcome to Episode 8, Now What?
During Episode 7 we took a short little side trail. Today we are going back to where we left off in my story. We are going to pick up just after I had finished the Marine Corp Marathon. The race was over. I could hardly believe I had completed a full marathon and neither could my friends and family. None of them would probably admit it now, but back then I’m pretty sure they were just as surprised as I was that I had made it.
The race was over. Now what? I had read that I should take a week or two off from running after the race and I was completely on board with that plan. Dave had made it clear that this was a bucket list only activity for him. In other words, once the marathon was over, he would not be running again. He has held true to that commitment to not running for 16 years now.
At this point, I still didn’t necessarily enjoy running, so maybe a week off would lead to a month or two or maybe even forever. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted my relationship with running to be going forward. Or if there would be a relationship at all. I did know that I was ready for a break and even though I think I knew that I might pick it up again, I didn’t want to feel like I had to. I was looking forward to having free time in my schedule again. And I was secretly hoping that there would NOT be any running related gifts for me under the Christmas tree that year. I didn’t want the pressure of feeling like I needed to continue on this path. And receiving new running items for Christmas would feel like pressure to continue. It’s interesting to think about that. Why would I feel pressure to continue something that was just a hobby anyway? Dave didn’t feel any pressure to ever again lace up his running shoes. Why was this thought hanging over me? Somehow I wasn’t able to shake the idea that I would be running again.
Maybe deep down I already knew that it was giving me something beyond mileage. I may not have loved the running itself, but I had discovered that it cleared my mind unlike anything else ever had. And I suspect there was a part of me that didn’t want to lose the ability I had to run those miles. I didn’t want to ever have to start from where I had started in the beginning, not even able to complete 2 miles. And of course there was Runner’s World Magazine. I felt so connected to the stories in Runner’s World. I loved reading other people’s experiences. My mileage may have gone down significantly, but during that season of rest from the physical act of running, my interest in learning more about the sport of running and the people who pursued it increased to the point where I began to feel like I belonged to this community of runners. The possibility was opening to the beginning of me dipping my toe into enjoying this activity and doing it for the sake of doing it. And the door was now wide open for me to consider running with friends enjoyable rather than something to hide from at all costs like I thought in the beginning of my journey. Something inside me had shifted. Completing the race gave me the confidence to feel like I belonged. Today I no longer believe that I need to prove I belong. Today I believe if I show up willing to contribute, I belong, but back then, I felt like I needed to have proof that I belonged. It’s fine. We all start somewhere.
I don’t know how long of a break I took from running after that marathon, but it was likely the longest break I’ve taken in the 16 years I have been running. I am sure that I did not run outside that winter, but I must have picked it back up in the Spring and I suspect that my running friend Kelly had a lot to do with that. Somehow she could talk me into meeting at her house at 6:00am on a weekend morning to head out for a run as a way to start the weekend. I hated getting up early on weekends so this was really something. The reason I am so sure that Kelly was involved in my continued running journey even though I don’t remember a stretch of it is because the next time I ran a marathon, it was the Notre Dame marathon and she was the reason I knew anything about that marathon because it was one of her favorites. And that marathon was a disaster for me, but that is a story for another day.
Remember how I told you earlier that after that first marathon I was hoping beyond hope that there wouldn’t be any running related Christmas presents? Well the following year I did a 180 and asked for a treadmill so that I could train indoors throughout the winter. Talk about having a change of heart and going all in!
The next several years of my running were spent setting new goals to see what was possible. Each race was an opportunity to beat the time of my previous race. It was so much fun. The more I ran, the more I improved. It was a continued pursuit of finding out what was possible. Each marathon was an opportunity to move the target to a new goal.
First marathon goal, just to finish. Check.
Second marathon goal, to prove to myself that I could do it again. I finished that one, but also went down in a flaming heap of IT band pain. It was a terrible and extremely painful experience both physically and mentally. Also, I learned some important lessons from it regarding what I can and cannot skip in my training.
The fall after the flaming meltdown of my June Notre Dame race I wanted a do over so I made my way to Indianapolis. I think between my disaster of a marathon in June and my attempt at redemption in November is where I came to embody the identity of a runner. I was no longer trying it out. I was all in. Now it was fun. Now I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it with any friend who I could get to join me. Showing up at local 5ks, 10ks, half marathons was now a fun weekend activity rather than something I dreaded. I wanted everyone to know that if I had gotten to this point, anyone could do this. My best friend Jacki who is also an amazing personal trainer started a run club at the gym and we took new runners out each Saturday. It was such a fun time in my life. Life was going just as I had planned and I was enjoying the ride. My family was healthy, kids thriving, husband and I both had good jobs. I loved my life. I thought it would be this way forever. To be honest, I felt pretty entitled to having this good life. I had worked for it, earned it, deserved it. I didn’t yet understand that life is 50/50. I had some hard lessons coming my way.
That is what I want to talk about in our Life Coach Connection today. The 50/50 of life. I learned this concept from one of my coaches and it has really helped me to work through the hard times. The concept is that our life experiences are roughly 50% positive and good and 50% negative, challenging or hard. And no matter who you are there is no getting out of the 50% hard.
Throughout life, good things are going to happen and bad things are going to happen.
That may sound like a real downer, but it has provided me with so much relief. I didn’t know life was not supposed to be picture perfect and happy all the time. What?! Hard times didn’t mean I had done something to destroy my life. They just meant I was a human having a human experience on Earth.
The 50/50 concept has brought needed perspective to my life. It has removed the pressure to try to avoid pain at all costs. I began to realize that 50/50 meant the hard times wouldn’t last forever. It also has helped me to really lean in and soak it all up when things are good. I enjoy the good times so much more now because I don’t take them for granted. It took me a combination of learning this concept of 50/50 and enduring some really painful circumstances to get to this place. If I had learned about the 50/50 concept earlier in my journey I might have been able to bypass some of the extra suffering I experienced because of what I made those experiences mean about myself and my loved ones. I endured a great deal of additional pain during that time because of what I did not know.
That is my reason for sharing this idea with you now. Maybe you are in a hard season. It won’t last forever. You can endure through this and get to the other side. Maybe you are in a good, happy season. Lean in. Enjoy it to the fullest. Be fully alive. Be fully present in this moment. Don’t let it pass you by without noticing all the good. Living life this way, knowing there are good seasons and hard seasons helps you to be fully present for both. No more just going through the motions and wasting the good seasons by not even realizing you are in a good season. No more catastrophizing the bad seasons and convincing yourself you are destined to be in the hard for the rest of your life. It’s not true.
One more thing before I let you go…September is National Recovery Month. The purpose is to increase public awareness surrounding mental health and addiction recovery.
According to the 2022 United States National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH):
* 46.8 million (16.7%) Americans (aged 12 and older) battled a substance use disorder in the past year.1
This reflects known cases only. That tells me that it is more than likely that someone you know struggles with SUD whether you are aware of it or not. I am going to be talking about this all month in my Facebook group, The Simple Truth Coaching. The people I am reaching out to are the people who love someone who struggles with SUD. People who battle addiction have people who love them and those people, the families, friends and loved ones experience a unique pain because of this disease. I know this because it is my story. Beginning later this month, I am going to be offering a series of workshops specifically designed to address the unique needs of those like me who have a loved one with SUD. If you know someone who you think would benefit from this conversation, please direct them to my Facebook group or my webpage. This is the beginning of an important and much needed conversation for family members who are in a very painful and often lonely situation. I’m taking the first hard step in talking about it so that you know that you are not alone.
That’s all I have for you today, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Running to Myself. You can find previous episodes on apple podcasts and spotify or on my website www.trishastanton.com. New episodes are released each Monday. You can select subscribe or follow on Apple or Spotify to automatically receive each new episode as it comes out.
If you know someone who you think would enjoy this podcast, please share it with them! I will be back next week to share a little more about my training journey on the road to discovering my truest self.
In the meantime, if you want to know more about my coaching program or have questions about life coaching in general, please visit my website at www.trishastanton.com .
Have a great week and remember, Mindset Matters!
