Welcome to Episode 12 When Running Broke Up With Me
What happens when you spend several years doing something you love and it starts to move into other areas of your life? Well, if you are anything like me, it becomes part of your identity. A big part of your identity. And that’s fine and mostly good until it isn’t.
By 2015 I was not just running and racing regularly, I was also helping to coach the local high school girls XC team, the middle school girls track team and helping Jacki with Run Club at the gym on Saturday mornings when I wasn’t at a meet with my high school athletes. Running and coaching was very much who I was during that time. I had fine tuned my training plan enough that I had qualified for Boston 3 times, with the third time being what is still my fastest race to date.
I loved it. Maybe a little too much. Maybe wrapping my identity up in a hobby wasn’t the best thing, but it happened.
I was happy with this relationship. And maybe slightly more dependent on it than I realized. It’s possible that I may have expected running to be more for me than it could possibly be.
I had no indication that there was any problem with this relationship until life started going a little bit sideways and rather than being there for me, running broke up with me. The nerve!
What did this breakup look like you are wondering….
Something that had for years provided me with fun and stress relief was now no longer fun. In fact, it suddenly felt hard again.
Then I began to lose my speed overnight. I had no physical explanation for what was happening, but something was wrong. I could no longer maintain the pace that just months earlier had been a piece of cake.
Every run was a struggle. Becoming increasingly frustrated, I scheduled a dr. appointment.
The dr. told me I was doing too much, offered to put me on an antidepressant and sent me on my way. I was furious! I didn’t go to the dr to be told that it was normal to suddenly not be able to do what I had been doing easily and daily for years. I wanted a solution not an antidepressant.
Now, I was frustrated and angry! And I still didn’t have answers. To this day, I don’t have answers about what happened and why.
Maybe it was stress.
Maybe it was age.
Maybe running just broke up with me and I will never know why.
This was a relationship where one side was expecting the other side to be something that it wasn’t. Have you ever been in (or observed someone in) a relationship where one person is too dependent on the other person or the relationship itself?
They need the other person to be much more than what they can be for someone else?
That is a sign of a dysfunctional relationship.
That may have been the kind of relationship I had with running. In case you haven’t figured it out, I’ll just spell it out for you. Yes, I was the needy one in this particular relationship!
During that time in my life I was not able to run as a form of personal therapy, release of emotion and self care like I do now. In fact, when life got really intense and big scary things were happening, I physically could not run.
I would lace up my shoes, set out on the familiar path and before home was even out of sight, I would find myself gasping for air, hyperventilating, my legs would turn to jello. I would find myself walking, sometimes crying and most certainly frustrated.
What was happening? My life was falling apart AND the one outlet I had was completely failing me and making me feel like a failure.
Running had broken up with me. I did not take the break up well at all. I was sure we would get back together. And we did for a while, kind of. I was able to qualify for Boston one more time. This was significant because I had qualified 3 times previous and had not yet been able to make the trip to run in it.
But getting back together wouldn’t last. During the break up with running I began a new relationship. The new object of my affection was trail running. This new relationship was much different. We took it slow. Real slow. I learned how to appreciate the experience of each run for the experience not just a means to an end of preparing for the next race.
I wasn’t training for upcoming races. I was running for mental clarity, time to think and pray, the fun and beauty of exploring new trails and the time outside each day. This relationship was slow, steady and exactly what I needed at the time.
And then came time to train to run the Boston Marathon. I needed to leave the trails I was falling in love with and go back to road running for my training cycle. So I got back together with road running and training with a focus on mileage and pace.
This is when I realized that this relationship that I had mourned was no longer what I wanted in my life. I no longer wanted to run on the road and track my pace. I longed for the trails and being in nature rather than dodging cars and listening to the sound of busy streets. I dreaded most runs. Not because I couldn’t do it, rather because I no longer wanted to. This time it was me who was ready to initiate the break up.
I finally understood that the relationship that had been built around pace, speed and the constant desire to improve and perform was no longer what was best for me. I no longer desired it. What I desired was to get back to the rocky, dirt trails that challenged me in new ways that weren’t about time and performance.
What’s the Life Coach Connection? I’m so glad you asked. Are you in a relationship that is no longer aligned with the life you want to be living? I am not necessarily talking about human relationships (although it's a good thing to occasionally take inventory of those relationships as well.) Think about the current commitments you have. The things you do on a regular basis that started out as good things, but now don’t really make sense in your current life or the life you aspire to.
Are there good things that you say yes to that are keeping you from the best things you could be saying yes to? Maybe it is time to take a break from some of those. Maybe it is time to break up with something that is in your life but no longer contributes to you living your best life. Saying yes to that committee or group or volunteer activity does not have to be a lifetime commitment, unless you want it to.
Breakups can be painful. Sometimes we hang on to a relationship or commitment to something much longer than we should. I was hurt when running broke up with me. I felt I had lost something, and I had. But that loss opened the door to welcoming in something that was so much better in the end.
Every yes to something is a no to something else. Be selective with your time. You don’t get it back. You can’t make more.
Are you ready to take inventory of your relationships and commitments? Are you willing to say no to the good so that you can create space to say yes to the best?
That’s all I have for you today, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Running to Myself. You can find previous episodes on apple podcasts and spotify or on my website www.trishastanton.com. New episodes are released each Monday. You can subscribe on Apple or Spotify to automatically receive each new episode as it comes out.
If you know someone who you think would enjoy this podcast, please share it with them! I will be back next week to share a little more about my journey on the road to discovering my truest self.
In the meantime, if you want to know more about my coaching program or have questions about one-on-one coaching or life coaching in general, please visit my website at www.trishastanton.com or visit me in my Facebook Group The Simple Truth Coaching. I would love to hear from you!
Have a great week and remember, Mindset Matters!
